Adult Children and Parent's Money

Why does money destroy families?
Inheritances or gifts to children by parents can cause tremendous tension among siblings or between parents and children. For example if a car is purchased for a child or if a parent helps with the down payment on a house and the same treatment is not given to their siblings friction may occur within the family. This often the case in at the death of a parent. It is not so much the money as it is real estate or personal items that create the division between family members.

Much of a person's perception and understanding of money goes back to what their parents taught them. "Whether or not you are successful as a parent will not be determined until your children have raised their children." -Dr. Howard Hendricks

One of the most important things to do for your children is to have a family meeting to discuss your wishes. This is a very important step whether you have millions or very little. This should be done with all of your adult children and possibly their spouses. The meeting should be in a comfortable setting. The parents should express the wealth transfer process at their death and who is to receive what items. Allow each child to express his or her feelings without any interuptions. If there are differences in opinion allow an open discussion. They will hear their parents wishes directly from the mouth of mom and dad rather than an attorney reading it from the will. Everyone may not leave the room completely satisfied but they will definitely not be surprised by their parents decision. This will tremendously reduce the stress and tension in the family.

"Love your children equally but treat them uniquely." - author unknown. The family conference will the one of the best things that a parent can do for their children. It will likely bring the family closer together in the end.

Wisdom, like an inheritance, is a good thing and benefits those who see the sun. Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor. (Ecclesiastes 7:11-12 NIV)